from now on my penis is your penis
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
