so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
