You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
