Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
