Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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