Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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