lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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