come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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