I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
as a side note pls kill me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
