Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
