We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
