She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
