Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
