I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
