I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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