After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
