6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
