am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
