Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You were trust falling into bushes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
