This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can you bring me the toilet please
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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