hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
