A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize