After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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