Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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