make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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