Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
