News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
