wanna go halves on a baby?
please come you make the beer taste better
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
