In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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