K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
