Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am naked and annoyed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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