I love black thongs
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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