just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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