So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
