I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
