I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize