she was so not down for the gang bang
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
