I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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