I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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