did you get engaged???
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
