Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
