she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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