I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize