How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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