oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
