Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
