We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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