They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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