I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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