Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
