Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
