u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
