Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
