Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
