I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
