I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
