I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
