Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
