apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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