Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
high people should be assigned attendants
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
