Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
