i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize