Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
