OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
