I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
