I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
