We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
