The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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