Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
