my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
