It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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