the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
