Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
