Betty ford says i'm here all night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
