I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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