we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize