You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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