we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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