i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
