The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
