Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
