where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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