I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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