I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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