suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My feet surprised me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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