we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
