I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have tasted many bathrooms
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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