so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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