those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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