You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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