Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you inspire me to be a worse person
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize