No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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