I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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