Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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