don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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