here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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