I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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