3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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