My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize