I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
