i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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